This Is How The Hell To Find A Therapist
by Marissa Pomerance
We’re not going to try to sell you on therapy. Because trying to convince you to see a therapist is like a nutritionist trying to convince us to drink more water; we already know it’s a proven necessity.
But still, reaching the point when therapy feels like a medical essential can be truly frightening. Especially in the face of the extreme levels of anxiety we’re all feeling right now.
The arduous, research-heavy, and confusing process of just finding the right therapist, however, isn’t merely a minor inconvenience, but an actual deterrent from seeking out the help we need. And it usually invokes more Googling than those random pains fueling your health anxiety (just a little joke for my fellow hypochondriacs!).
So, we thought we’d start with the basics: how the fuck to find a good therapist. It’s not as impossible a task as it seems—we promise.
1. Understand the different modalities of treatment, but don’t get too hung up on them.
Of course, just talking things out with another human can be hugely cathartic. But the most modern and proactive therapists will approach their patients with more defined, studied, and proven treatments.
Treatments like EMDR, hypnotherapy, CBT, and NARM may sound like “woo-woo” practices akin to crystal healing, but are actually considered some of the most efficacious methods for treating anxiety, depression, PTSD, and similar mental health issues.
And it’s important to have a basic understanding of these. But it’s not everything.
According to therapist Amanda White, “there are hundreds of different ‘types’ of therapy. But the truth is, most therapists do not only stick to one. Most of us are trained in a variety of different modalities and tailor therapy to what will fit our clients best.”
So, “rather than spending time researching different types of therapy modalities, I would look for a therapist that aligns with your values. Are they LGBTQ+ affirming, are they anti-racist, are they trauma informed,” says White.
2. Use one of these helpful databases or online therapy portals.
An online database can be an extremely helpful tool to get a sense of the therapy services in your neighborhood. And some of the reviews and feedback can be useful too; they might give you a better sense of the rates, services, and specialties of a therapist.
Here are a few convenient databases and online therapy portals:
For anyone more budget-conscious, White specifically recommends Open Path Collective, which is “a database that sets up licensed therapists looking to build their private practices with individuals who cannot afford full price therapy.”
3. Use social media.
I know— social media can be a breeding ground for schlocky, saccharine self-help quotes. But, there are some amazing professionals (like White) effectively using social media to showcase their cutting-edge work.
Following a few therapists you like can lead to a rabbit hole of research that will help you find the right fit. According to White, “if you start following some therapists on Instagram, a lot of us know therapists all across the country. We share lots of work with other therapists, so you can find a therapist that way.”
Plus, “seeing their work on social media will also give you a deeper understanding of their values and approach,” she says.
4. Get a rec from a doctor or friends.
If you love your primary care doc, then ask them for a recommendation. Since they’re familiar with your medical needs, they might know some providers in your neighborhood that could be a good fit. Just make sure to be specific about your needs and goals, and be clear if you’re more interested in talk therapy or someone who will just write you a prescription.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask friends for a recommendation, because, just like for any other service, personal recommendations are usually the best. In fact, according to White, “I would say the single best referral you could get would be from a friend who is dealing with a similar thing and loves their therapist. Other therapists or health professionals can give you referrals but your friends probably know you much better than them and know what you are looking for.”
Just keep in mind that some therapists treating your close friends may not take an appointment with you because they consider it a conflict of interest. If this happens, then ask your friend’s therapist for a referral, and they will almost always refer you to someone they love.
Here, we’ll even start with off with a rec! If you’re in Los Angeles, check out Thrive Psychology.
5. Set up as many free consults as you can.
Most therapists offer a free consultation before setting up a full appointment. DO IT. These definitely take time, but these consultations are a great indicator of potential fit; if you don’t love them over the phone, you probably won’t love them in person.
These consultations are also a great opportunity to be proactive—make sure to ask them about their approach, their specialties, their treatment modalities, their fee, and their schedule. “You have a right to ask questions and make sure they are a good fit,” says White. You might realize you prefer a more hands-on approach, or you want a practitioner that specializes in CBT. These mini-sessions can also help you discover more about yourself and your reasons for seeking out therapy.
We understand it can be disheartening to make a bunch of appointments, take time off of work, spill your deepest secrets to a stranger, and not even find the right therapist. This can feel really discouraging, and cause you to potentially throw in the towel. But soldiering on through this difficult step is of the utmost importance, because feeling a personal connection to your therapist is everything.
6. Go with your gut.
According to White, “research shows that the most important factor in therapy being effective is the relationship of the client and the therapist.” People who report having a close bond with their therapists have better results, so finding the right connection isn’t just a bonus of therapy, it’s the key to it.
White recommends finding “a therapist that you connect with and who you feel comfortable with. A huge thing that prevents therapy from being successful is a client not being comfortable and not being able to be completely honest.”
“Therapy is a relationship, and in order for it to be successful, both people must be able to trust each other and work through disagreements. So many people reach out and tell me they are afraid to tell their therapist something but the truth is, a lot of the best therapy sessions I have had are when a client of mine gives me feedback because it deepens the relationship and trust,” White says.
Sure, you can easily weigh the pros and cons of each therapist you spoke to, analyzing their different approaches and determining which one has the best credentials. But when all else is equal, you should go with whoever you had the best connection with. Because when you meet the right one, you’ll know.
7. Be prepared to go out-of-network.
Insurance coverage for mental health practitioners is incredibly (and intentionally) opaque and confusing. “Unfortunately due to insurance rates and the fact that insurance gets to dictate treatment, many therapists do not accept insurance directly but instead accept out-of-network insurance,” explains White.
Some therapists will offer a monthly superbill that you can submit to your insurance for reimbursement, but you’ll most likely encounter a nightmare of endless phone calls and forms before you ever get reimbursed. According to White, “there is also an app called Better that will help you get reimbursed and won’t charge you unless you get the reimbursement.” Another option is “signing up for insurance with a Health Savings Accounts or Flexible Savings Accounts because many therapists who don’t take insurance directly can take these,” White says.
Also, HMO plans only cover in-network therapists, and the options are very limited. Patients using Kaiser have waited for weeks to see a mental health care provider, and have been frustrated by their limitations to group therapy, which for many mental illnesses, falls woefully short of adequate treatment.
So mostly, insurance is a mess. Which is why you should be prepared to find someone out-of-network. Which, yes, is undoubtedly more expensive. But, it might save you money in the long run. Think of it this way— instead of spending a bunch of money trying infinite in-network providers to save a small percentage of money, your dollars could be spent on going to someone you actually love, even if they’re out-of-network.
Try to remember all of the benefits of therapy when you’re finding a therapist, because even with this very handy guide, this process takes time, and maintaining your motivation can be tough after 3 Google pages worth of psychobabble. Think of it like a minor sickness; you have to drag yourself to the doctor and then to pharmacy and then wait 3 days for your meds to kick in while you stave off some very frustrating symptoms.
But you’ll feel better in the end, and the process will be well worth it.
Marissa Pomerance is the Managing Editor of The Candidly. She’s a Los Angeles native and lover of all things food, style, beauty, and wellness. You can find more of her articles here.
