Are you more of a Postmates your favorite chopped salad, or a throw together a lame salad and then Postmates a burger 30 minutes later? Maybe you’re thinking, a healthy homemade salad can only give you drool worthy, satisfaction if it has bacon and blue cheese on it. But I’m here to tell you, you don’t need it. I can feel your eye roll, but just hear me out.
Your homemade salad sucks because of these reasons.
1. Your salad is basic. It’s basic and bland because you’re buying same basic ass romaine and out of season tomatoes you’ve been grabbing since your health kick sophomore year in college.
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Servings: 1 cup | Prep Time: 1 minute | Ingredients: 5
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A couple of things inspired this article:
I feel very confident about my bun making skills.
When I searched “easy fast messy bun” on YouTube for the purposes of sharing a video with someone who I thought could benefit from knowing the secrets of crafting a messy bun, I was aghast to find multiple bun tutorials proffering “easy fast messy bun” in the titles, but clocking in at around 60 minutes.
There is no bun on planet earth or any other unknown planets which should take 60 minutes to create, nor 60 minutes to explain.
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Let’s be real. Yoga is weird. I know it's incredibly trendy, and it seems like everyone is doing it but the bottom line is it's just a semi-bizarre thing to do. It feels strange moving your body in ways that seem wholly unnatural and counter-intuitive—leave “Happy Baby” to actual babies.
And then there are the people. Typically, skinny women outfitted in Lululemon, carrying brightly colored metal water bottles filled with Kangen water because regular water isn't evolved enough. And then there are the bearded men, with their calf tattoos, and their man buns, all of them also sporting Lululemon. Lululemon is making a shit-ton of money off people easily parted with their cash.
So I hear you. The ick factor is high.
Then there is the 20ish yoga teacher, with her perky Instagram celebrity glow, who speaks in a low, airy voice—the kind of voice that should only ever be used when you're waking somebody up from a deep sleep or trying to put someone in a deep sleep. They tell you things like “breathe into your ovaries,” or rotate your inner thighs out toward the wall (wut?) and then they try to pixie dust you with essential oils to help you “deepen” into your Savasana. Get back, lady. I'm just fine.
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Worried you don’t? Most people worry about this. So, you’re not alone. But here’s the thing. Odds are, you do. In fact, odds are, you probably get too much.
The food industry—and just about any health and wellness publication or website—has done one hell of a job convincing us that we are all lacking in adequate protein. There are protein powders, bars, infused cereals, ice creams, breads and yes, even water. The protein supplements market is huge and getting bigger every year. A recent report by Grand View Research, Inc., estimates that by the year 2025, it will reach $21.5 billion. All of which leaves us, erroneously, in search of massive quantities of protein to stuff down our gullets on the daily.
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