“It’s a girl!” my partner exclaimed, as he gently pulled our first baby from my body.
A girl. I knew it was a girl. I mean I didn’t actually know, but I knew it was because sometimes you just know these things. After nine months of anticipation, ten days past my due date, 67 hours of labor and really my whole life of wondering what it would be like if I had a baby, she was finally here. Seven pounds, six ounces and 20 inches of a being that was half of me, half of him and 100% all her.
But as she lay on my chest, mouth agape and eyes wide, I looked at her and…well…I just looked at her. I’m sure I murmured something like “Hi baby!” or “Thank you for finally joining us!” but I don’t really remember. It wasn’t significant. It wasn’t the elation of a new mother finally meeting her daughter for the first time. It wasn’t baby talk or happy tears or a smothering of kisses all over her tiny, round, slightly birth-battered face. It was just a baby.
I remember being so bewildered when I first laid eyes on her and as I continued to stare at her throughout the next few days. Who was this person? For some reason, I had envisioned birthing this chip off the old block and then immediately knowing who it was. Like “Yes! There you are. Of course it was you. I knew you all along.” But something must’ve been amiss. I must have miscalculated the mom-to-baby insta-bond because this…THIS! This was a stranger. And I was pretty sure I didn’t love it.
Yes. My own child. That I conceived, carried and brought forth into the world. I didn’t love her.
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Servings: 1 | Prep Time: 2 minutes | Ingredients: 9
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In one of the more recent episodes of Malcolm Gladwell’s Revisionist History, “The Tortoise and the Hare”, Gladwell proposes an idea called a “mirrortocracy” (as opposed to a meritocracy), implying that employers hire those whom they see themselves in. It’s no secret that it takes more to land a job than just looking good on paper, but you may need to think about having a little psychology 101 up your sleeve. For most of the interview, your employer holds the mirror up to you; to learn about who you are and what you know. Isn’t it fitting, then, that when asked if you have any questions for them that you hold up the mirror in return? It turns out that the easiest way to be brilliant in an interview is to reflect the brilliance of the interviewer back at them.
Here’s how to nail the most important, yet often overlooked, question:
“Do you have any questions for me?”
1. Remind Them of When They Were You
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There is always a trigger event. That’s what it’s called. “The Trigger Event.” The thing that makes you fly completely off the handle. The trigger event could be a plethora of different things. It may be that you’re late for school drop off and your kid can’t find their shoes. It could be siblings fighting over who gets the “good spoon.” Perhaps it’s someone’s nonstop whining about how hungry they are while the baby is crying and you’re trying to just get the spaghetti made. Or maybe it’s just some dirty socks on the floor. Whatever the occurrence, whatever the size — you. are. pissed.
Moms. We are warm, nurturing, accepting and generous human beings. But we are also full of rage. I’m not talking about bad days. About bad weeks even. Or about phases of children’s development that we haven’t yet figured out how to manage. I’m talking about those of us who are pissed off on the regular. Of course, it’s not all of us; there are plenty of mothers with patient, rational brains running the show.
But right around every corner of calm, there is a red-faced mother on the verge of an explosion.
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