Stop Using These 6 Phrases. They Make Us All Sound Dumb. And 6 Underused Words To Sound Smarter.
by Audie Metcalf
Half of you will be mad because you use the dumb words I mention and this entire article will feel like an assault. And that’s perfectly fine. Who am I? Just some rando on the internet telling you which words to use and not use, so it would be perfectly understandable to tell me to f&$k right off.
Truly. No hard feelings.
But for the other half of you, let’s get into it.
Our words are one of the very few things we actually own in life. Our words express what we stand for, what we prioritize, but perhaps most important, our words can show the world how susceptible we are to trending language and groupthink.
Take the word “like” for example. We could be here forever on this one. Maybe you agree with Malcolm Gladwell and his stalwart defense of its origins and “rich emotional nuance.” Or perhaps you’re in the other camp and think using “like” as a filler word every other sentence makes us all sound like morons.
Either way, it’s infiltrated our speech. And something about that makes us seem…co-opted. And listen, maybe you don’t care. Or maybe this just doesn’t feel that important to you. Or maybe you express your individuality in different ways. Which are all fine. But you clicked into this article for a reason and I would be willing to guess that reason is because you actually do care. Or maybe you were just curious and wanted to see what the words are so you can feel superior. Also a great reason. I’m doing all this equivocating because this is the internet and if I don’t get ahead of 14 different arguments I’ll get scorched earth DMs in my personal instagram and I’m just trying to stave those off.
So with all that out of the way, let’s get to why we’re all here. The words.
Here are 6 words and phrases that are making us all sound like dumb, instagram-addicted, jargony idiots.
Here they are in no particular order.
1. 100%
This, I fear, stems from horrific “bro speak” in Silicon Valley, and has trickled down into small businesses and therapist offices. I was on a work call recently and began to count the times the DOCTOR I was speaking to said “Oh, 100%!” during our 15 minute call. That number was 9. Nine times. (Name that reference!) But c’mon. There are other ways to show convivial agreement. Perk your ears for this. You’ll begin to hear it everywhere. It will haunt your dreams.
2. No worries!
I am not worried. Actually, I take that back. I am literally filled with worry about almost everything, but I am not worried after thanking you for answering my question about the perks of a Barnes & Noble membership. I believe the phrase we are looking for here is “you’re welcome.” Now listen, I am not a schoolmarm on some quest to strip charming colloquial phrases from everyday exchanges with strangers. I am giving examples of how this idiotic 2-word response strips words from their meanings. And yes, words change! They evolve! They ebb and flow and reveal our constant forward motion as societies in flux! But unless you are literally Crocodile Dundee during one of his “walkabouts,” you sound dumb when you say this.
3. Plethora
We learned this word in college. We felt cool and smart saying it then. We’re 40 now. It’s over. Also, it’s PLEthora not PleTHORa, not that it’s relevant anymore because we’re banning it from our vocabulary.
4. New Normal
Yes. We all had to adjust our lives during a global trauma called Covid. It was hideous. We were all filled with fear and uncertainty. And now, the best way we have to express ideas around this cataclysmic event is…a fucking cliché? I refuse. Join me? A good rule of thumb with idiotic sounding language is this: if you’ve read it on an instagram caption more than twice, strike it from your life.
5. At the end of the day
Are you on The Bachelor? No? Then omit this phrase. It is so mind-numbing and meaningless and wins for most words that mean nothing. Yes, we all use fillers when we’re finding the right way to express ourselves, but this filler phrase makes it seem like the speaker thinks they’re smart for using it. It’s the grown-up phrase equivalent of using double spaces in school to make it seem like your essay was longer. It’s bad and hollow and mindless.
6. Right?
I saved the most insidious for last. You probably don’t even know why this word is here. It’s just a word. But no. It’s not just a word. It’s the new “like.” Times a million. I was in rooms and at tables with a sea of different men at various companies and this was always a sneaky word they intermittently trotted out during their interminable monologues as a strategy to get their listeners to unconsciously agree with them. It was a known strategy in the corporate world. But now it’s peppered into every podcast, every conversation, every TikTok, every fucking sentence—it’s inescapable. I recently tried an experiment with someone where I used the word “right” in our conversation but didn’t tell her I was going to use it and I asked her if she heard it. I used the word 6 times in 3 sentences. She didn’t. And it’s because it’s no longer the shark in the water. It IS the water. And maybe your argument against why this matters is that people don’t even notice it. But that girl in that cult documentary didn’t notice she was turning blue from drinking Colloidal Silver cocktails every day either. I realize that’s a stretch. But it kind of works.
6 Underused Words To Sound to Smart.
So this is basically a trick. Because if you use any of the following words after reading this dumb article aren’t you doing the very self-same thing we’ve been saying NOT to do? Aka, allow your speech to be influenced by strangers on the internet? Yes. But. We’re all susceptible to this to some degree. And most of the changes in our vocabularies are unconscious and cultish. Here are some that can be conscious and…uncultish. And this isn’t meant to be some boring vocab lesson, rather a short collection of beautifully specific and startlingly underused words that help us express universal feelings and ideas.
1. Verisimilitude
The quality of appearing true and real. Meryl Streep in, oh, every role she’s ever played shows immense verisimilitude.
2. Jejune
It means dry and uninteresting but its Latin origins, “jejunus” means “empty of food” referring to something being bereft of ideas and unsatisfying. Just an excellent word.
3. Ad Hominem
Appealing to your own prejudices and biases as opposed to intellect. A personal attack, as opposed to dismantling an argument. For example, if you call me, personally, an elitist snob, and don’t take me to task about the points in this article, you’d be making an ad hominem attack.
4. Petrichor
This word is the new plethora. Because you only use it to show off. But it’s such a good word, because it has no synonym. It means “the beautiful smell after the rain.” I like to work it in even after a light sprinkle, just to be an asshole.
5. Anachronistic
Another word where it has no perfect synonym. Anachronism is when something is not part of the time period in which it’s shown. For example, the Starbucks cup in Game of Thrones was DEEPLY anachronistic. Can you imagine the fear of that coffee PA? Or the script supervisor?
6. Bloviate
To go on and on on, usually in a pompous way.
Ironic, no?
Audie Metcalf is the Editor-in-chief of The Candidly, and lives in LA with her family. You can find more of her articles here.
