Have You Heard Of The Invisible Guest Theory?
Could this be the hidden cure to our social anxiety?
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by The Candidly Team
Pretending to be invisible might not seem like it would be the soundest of psychological advice.
But there’s a mental technique circling the internet right now that in some ways advises us to do exactly that. And many people with social anxiety are touting it as game-changing.
It’s called the invisible guest theory.
And it’s relatively simple. When we walk into a crowded room, we’re typically flooded with self-consciousness, fears about what we’ll say or do to attract negative attention or judgement. In many ways we’re overvaluing our command of people’s attention, when in truth, most people are also focused on themselves.
The invisible guest theory suggests that when we enter a party or social gathering, we try to picture that everyone in the room is already occupied by an “invisible guest.” The awkward silences or odd little comments we let slip will barely go noticed, because there just isn’t that much attention to go around. And in that sense, we ourselves are sort of invisible.
And since this entire social hack has been popularized by social media and TikTok, here’s a video that explains the idea:
Why does this work?
Once we reset our minds to stop thinking of everyone’s attention being on us, two things can happen
We’re freed of that overlaying anxiety that makes us act differently than we would normally (hence avoiding the self-fulfilling prophecy of making things awkward out of fear of making things awkward).
We can actually show up as ourselves. Whatever authentic qualities we bring to the table are far more likely to be expressed when we stop seeing the eyes of the world as fixated on us.
Why does it matter?
It’s easy to dismiss internet-trending mental health hacks as hacky. But it’s estimated that about 7% of Americans have Social Anxiety Disorder and that number is unsurprisingly on the rise. Social media is contributing to increased social comparison and increased fears about being seen in a negative light.
The more tools we have to counter the idea that the spotlight is on us in some glaring, critical way, the freer we are to be ourselves. To quote something just a wee bit older than TikTok:
“I wondered how many people there were in the world who suffered, and continued to suffer, because they could not break out from their own web of shyness and reserve, and in their blindness and folly built up a great distorted wall in front of them that hid the truth.”
― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca
We are not the invisible guest with whom the rest of the room is preoccupied. And by realizing that, we can take the reigns back on our own visibility, showing up as who we would be if weren’t always lugging around our social anxiety.
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