6 Alternatives If You, Like Me, Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead In Shorts. Photos Galore.
All from one store I thought I hated.
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by Audie Metcalf
I’m guessing you clicked to both see the photos AND to see what store it is.
The photos are coming.
The store is Madewell.
Madewell is very hit or miss for me, and it often goes hard on a sort of “churning butter” motif that makes me look like an anachronistic baby hag. Other times, like right now, it solves every, single problem I have at the intersection of warm weather demanding one’s knees be exposed via the medium of shorts.
I do not wear shorts.
For a short- legged person like myself, when my knees are out, I feel small, stumpy, ugly, like I’m back in my high school gym class—the last time I was forced to wear shorts against my will.
And so now, decades later, as I pay my own mortgage and buy my own clothes, I won’t be a party to this implicit societal push to wear HALF PANTS as a fucking adult, just because it’s hot outside.
However, I also refuse to sweat profusely from mid-May through the end of October. (I live in L.A. We are all melting here already)
And so I am always on the hunt for chic, comfortable, lightweight, non-shorts options which keep my unshapely, unsightly knees exactly where they should be—behind a curtain of fabric, never to be consumed by the human eye.
Is it body dysmorphia? Perhaps. Perhaps you also hate your knees or potentially your entire legs and perhaps we should all work harder on “self-acceptance” or whatever’s in fashion right now. But in the meantime, let’s both wear lots of breathable skirts and lightweight linen pants that make us feel gorgeous and lithe and most of all, like ourselves.
1. The midi skirt that’s a maxi on me because, as we’ve established, I’m stumpy
WHAT: A-Line Midi Skirt in Poplin*
It’s airy poplin (my favorite material on earth), it has that genius waistband design where it’s flat in the front but stretchy elastic in the back which is both comfortable and supremely flattering, it’s a stripe which is somehow both classic and interesting, AND it has pockets! Instant purchase.
Price: $138
2. The drawstring linen pants that make me feel like I’m a coastal grandmother in the best way possible
WHAT: Pull-On Pants in 100% Linen*
A perfectly made pair of linen pants that are long enough to elongate the leg is a must for those of us who avoid shorts in the spring and summer—everything is too cropped nowadays and it makes our stumps look even stumpier. I will wear them styled exactly like this, with these sandals because they are sort of an elevated Birkenstock except they are so profoundly comfortable they make Birkenstocks feel like high heels. And I couldn’t pass up this delicious royal blue color:
Price: $98
3. The linen skirt that’s actually sort of va va voom
WHAT: Drawstring Slip Skirt in 100% Linen*
Black is so hard to photograph but this is SO flattering, has a drawstring and an elastic waist, seems to skim the stomach, and hits blessedly right below the knee. I love the black but it’s such a gorj shape I wish it came in more colors.
Price: $118
4. The “are these literally just your pajamas bottoms?” pants that keeps ‘em guessing
WHAT: Pull-On Pants In Brown Peri Twin Stripe*
The material on these is truly dreamy—it’s almost silky to the touch and has a kind of crinkle to it so they never wrinkle. Plus what I often notice about Madewell pants is that the seams are very flat on the sides, especially on light materials like this. You know sometimes a side zipper or side seam is wonky so it puffs out and makes you feel WIDER than you actually are? Yeah, no. Not doing that ever. This one lays so beautifully flat so your shape looks great.
Price: $98
5. Ok fine. These are shorts. Just hear me out.
WHAT: The V-Waist Bermuda Short*
I sized up two sizes in their “Bermuda” shorts so they fully cover my ghastly knees, and I think it kind of works? I dunno. You tell me.
Price: $98
Bonus: The skirt I had to include even though it’s from Anthro not Madewell
WHAT: By Anthropologie Seamed Plaid Wrap Maxi Skirt*
First of all, can I hire Anthropologie to light my entire house? Every other brand needs to study the lighting in these dressing rooms. I had to exit my dressing room at Madewell and waltz into the middle of the store to take all those photos above and they still don’t hold a candle to Anthro. But anyway. This skirt took my breath away, and I bought it immediately, and plaid is chic on everyone, and the material is so swishy and light and breathable, and I don’t totally understand the button placement but that’s ok, and I’m wearing a size small so it runs big, and the gals at the store said it already sold out its first run, so I’d pounce if you like it, too. Phew. That’s it.
Price: $158
Audie Metcalf is the Editor-in-chief of The Candidly, and lives in LA with her family. You can find more of her articles here.
At The Candidly, we try a lot of stuff so you don’t have to. We only recommend things we truly love, and that we think you’ll love, too. All products are chosen independently by our creative team, and all details reflect the price and availability of products at the time of publication. If you buy something we link to, The Candidly may earn a commission.
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