The 9 Reasons Women Are Foaming At The Mouth For Heated Rivalry
It’s not just because they’re hot. Even though they’re very, very hot.
Image: HBO Max
by Audie Metcalf
Since you’re reading this, I’m going to assume you are also living inside of a fugue state rewatching all 6 episodes weekly, often not in order, whispering “we didn’t even kiss” while making oatmeal, scrolling through various untrusted sites featuring poorly made sweatshirts with “mentally I’m at the cottage” emblazoned on the front, randomly picturing him folding his clothes after taking them off, and being generally unable to think of little else but the world’s (but really just my) boyfriends, Shane and Ilya.
So. Like. Why?
What’s happening to us that we’re so all-consumed by some low budget, Canadian, gay hockey show?
1. Let’s start off slow but obvious. There’s a lot of sex. And in thinking about the intimacy of the sex, I had a hard time identifying other very sexy shows or movies in the past 20 years. Isn’t this insane? Do you know that when we write about anything to do with sex (though it’s hard to get by Meta’s polices) it’s always our biggest performing content? I think we’re just starved for some version of authentic sex content. The only thing that leaps to mind is a tiny Jane Campion film you probably didn’t see called In The Cut featuring Meg Ryan with mousy, brown hair, and Mark Ruffalo, featuring his immense hotness. But that came out in 2003 so like, a 23 year dearth.
2. Next, we get into something with teeth—I think, as women, it almost feels safer to watch men. Power dynamics can be explored, and we can enjoy them. Imagine if one of the roles was a girl! We would be so worried for her safety, always looking out for her needs. If I watched a girl get strung along in a situationship for 8 years with multiple bouts of ghosting, I would never root for them to be together. The ghoster would be the bad guy. Period.
3. This might be the most controversial one on the list, but watching people who are the best at something is, itself, an aphrodisiac. Extreme proficiency mixed with immense discipline is profoundly attractive.
4. Forget about the sex, it’s a rip-your-heart-out love story. And since no one makes rom-coms anymore, we are all desperate for some rom. Desperate for yearning. There was Fleabag, of course. (I love you. It’ll pass.) And it’s the only very recent reference I can make because I don’t think this kind of thing is being made. We want Pride and Prejudice, we don’t want sarcastic assholes speaking in memes and having awkward first date sex with near-strangers from Tinder. Or maybe we do, but we also really want yearning. I will say that kiss (you know the one) from Nobody Wants This challenges this idea but cmon. One kiss!?
5. Most very sexy sex on screens has typically been, for lack of a better word, twisted. And listen, there’s no bigger fan of the psycho-sexual thriller than I. But let’s get real about the tropes. First, there’s the lady-as-predator trope which terrified all men—Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, Disclosure. Next, the ethically dubious affairs—Damage, Malice, Consenting Adults. The extreme imbalance of power or age—9 1/2 Weeks, Secretary, Call Me By Your Name. But this show has none of that. It’s not melodrama. We passionately root for Hollander and Rozanov to be together—and any obstacles and challenges are rooted in real-life fears and impediments, not some morally bankrupt scenario where a guy fucks and murders his neighbor’s wife and frames him for it as a long-con insurance scheme. Which is also fun of course. It’s just not actually sexy. Name that movie!
6. We totally and completely understand why both characters are into so into each other. Perhaps the obvious word here is chemistry but I think we’re so used to love interests being chosen for some stupid reason like they have lots of followers or their dad knows someone or they’re just HUGELY FAMOUS, and I think both guys being unknowns means we really believe it. We believe they’re those guys. And thank god for the integrity of Jacob Tierney, the creator, who has now publicly said even though season 2 will of course be shot with buckets more money, he won’t be going after big stars.
7. The sex feels very, very real. Like any rabid fan, I’ve spent every minute on TikTok consuming all of Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams’ interviews and media tours, and in those rabbit holes, discovered fascinating conversations with the show’s intimacy coordinator, Chala Hunter, who, along with the unspeakably good acting, might be the reason for this. Likening it to choreography, so much rehearsing goes on prior to shooting, so that when the cameras roll, everyone can just do the thing, and not have to think about doing the thing. Chala deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
8. They’re both profoundly, irrationally hot.
9. Jacob, Hudson, Connor, I believe I speak on behalf of all women and all people of earth when I say: bol’she, bol’she, bol’she.
Bonus: It is also very possible we are all locked in this near-psychosis/mind prison because we fear this kind of all-consuming love and desire will never find us, and so living through Shane and Ilya’s love and desire is the closest we’ll ever get to that feeling. But this is too dark and too real for a funny little internet article about a TV show so forget I said anything!
Audie Metcalf is the Editor-in-chief of The Candidly, and lives in LA with her family. You can find more of her articles here.
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