4 No-Fail New Year's Resolutions For Self-Sabotagers
by Lynn Maleh
Have you ever missed a few days at the gym and declared it the point of no return?
Or, oops, dropped $265 on a face cream, so you were like, “screw it, budget OVER” and then blew the rest of your paycheck on some insane but chic but plaid but not really wearable coat you instantly knew you were going to regret?
If yes, come on in. The water’s warm.
You, like me, are a self-sabotager.
This time of year can be a supremely triggering time for us. And while 80% of everyone will give up on their New Year’s resolutions, self-sabotagers have the charming ability to let that ruin their year entirely. Because when self-sabotagers fail, we feel as though we’ve inevitably met our low expectations for ourselves, fueling further negative thought patterns.
So how do we make resolutions that set us up for a more positive, healthy mindset in the year ahead?
Here are 4 no-fail, one-time, effortlessly achievable resolutions that give self-sabotagers the satisfaction of accomplishment, which helps break the cycle of negativity.
1. Buy a plant.
No, don’t make a resolution to keep a plant alive— some plants just *spontaneously* die— so just make a resolution to buy one.
Buying a plant is an excellent exercise for self-sabotagers, because it asks them to take a chance on something that could very well end in failure.
“Self-sabotage is really the avoidance of pain; albeit in a way that’s not especially helpful to our lives,” says Dr. Stacee Reicherzer. “The ‘sabotage’ aspect of this comes in when, in our efforts to avoid pain, we limit ourselves from doing, being, becoming someone who’s happier in a new relationship, a new job or a new situation out of fear.”
When you buy a plant knowing full well you might not be able to keep it alive, you’re–in a very small way–building up the strength to take risks, which might lead to more bold choices in more important areas of life (other than plant maintenance), like your career or love life.
2. Create a piece of truly terrible art.
Make a resolution to buy a canvas and paint with abandon. No plan, just strokes. Or write three pages without stopping for judgment. Maybe go on a 30-minute walk and take stupid pictures of all the stupid things you see. Glue things together. Then sprinkle glitter all over your creation. Bake a cake out of literally whatever weird ingredients you find amusing.
It doesn’t matter what you produce, just make it hideous and sloppy. Sound like a fun resolution? Spoiler alert: it’s productive too!
At the root of self-sabotage is often a self-imposed need for perfectionism.
“Perfectionism masquerades itself as a positive strategy when in reality, it is a corrosive process of self-sabotage,” explains Mary Mykhaylova LCSW. “If you are ever anything short of exceptional, it can feel like a personal failure—one you assume came about because you just didn’t try hard enough. But while this may be true sometimes, it more often isn’t.”
A New Year’s resolution that begs you to be messy, even if just for a half hour, allows you to release your inner critic right at the start of the year, setting you up for greater creativity and innovation in the months ahead.
3. Send a letter to someone unexpected.
Self-sabotagers, fearing rejection, often stop themselves from developing deeper relationships.
“If your fear of intimacy or rejection is strong, it is better to mindfully allow your insecure or fearful feelings to be there, while actively working to find healthy, mature ways of talking about them, rather than running away or pushing people away,” says Bay Area psychologist, author, and speaker Melanie Greenberg.
Make a New Year’s resolution to write a letter to someone you wish you had a better connection with. Use a pen, postage stamp, and your actual handwriting. Don’t try to tackle a huge topic or someone you have a chronically sordid past with (preferably no exes). Instead, aim for someone you’ve simply lost touch with–a high school pal, a favorite teacher, or an old coworker.
Reaching out in this small way, without necessarily expecting anything in return, is a great way to open your heart to bigger conversations across more complex relationships in the future.
4. Schedule an informational interview.
In terms of their careers, self-sabotagers are especially adept at getting in their own way.
According to The Big Leap author Gay Hendricks, self-sabotagers avoid leveling up in their careers, because:
They believe they are fundamentally flawed.
They fear being inauthentic to their true selves.
They fear they are ill-equipped to handle the stress associated with moving up.
They fear surpassing their peers.
A simple New Year’s resolution you can make for overcoming your self-sabotaging tendencies in the workplace: schedule an informational interview.
Here’s how. Identify someone who holds the kind of role you’re interested in, either within your own workplace, on LinkedIn, or through a referral. Then reach out to that person and meet with them to learn more about their role and your potential future in it.
Ask questions such as:
How did you get into your current position?
What do you like most about your role?
What are the biggest challenges?
What would you recommend to someone interested in moving in the same direction?
When you see someone else in your dream role, the possibilities of the position become less scary, allowing you to overcome your fear hurdles. You also form a lasting imprint in their professional Rolodex and might just be the person they think of when a similar position opens up. While this is a simple resolution to make, the benefits can last you well past the New Year.
Making a highly specific, highly achievable one-time resolution, and leaving it at that, is a productive way to celebrate the New Year when you’re a person who historically hates New Year’s.
Simply complete your task, cross it off your list, and feel good knowing you made it happen. By accomplishing something right at the beginning of the year, you’re setting yourself up for a more positive, productive mindset for the twelve months ahead.
And since this year HAS to be better than the last, we need all the wins we can get.
Lynn Maleh is a Syrian-American writer and comedian based in Los Angeles. By day, she writes online content, and by night she performs standup. See more of her articles here.
