Ask Your Partner These 6 Questions If You Want To Immediately Have Better Sex
If you can even get all the way to #6.
by The Candidly Team
A huge degree of enjoying sex depends on the build up. In fact, it often determines whether we’ll be having sex at all.
This is especially the case as we hit 40 and things like hormones and heated exchanges and our sheer spent-ness can derail our libido.
And sure, we’d all love to be having glorious, exciting sex. But we miss out on doing the things that “set the stage.”
This is somewhat understandable, because most of things that result in sex feel like they need to happen organically, so as not to take the spark and spontaneity out of it. A checklist that results in sex can sound very…unsexy.
But we discovered something else! Something that comes from our favorite expert on the subject, human sexuality professor from University of Washington, Dr. Nicole McNichols.
She told us about 6 questions you can ask your partner right now that can strap a jet engine to your sex life.
They’re fun. Livening. And unlike soooo much of the hazy, unrelatable advice that’s out there when it comes to sex, they’ll give you ideas that are personal and specific to you and your partner.
Let’s get straight to them, shall we?
1. Ok, we’re just gonna jump right in because we’re dying to know what are these 6 questions that can lead to hotter sex?
What's a fantasy or desire you've never shared with me?
What's something I've done in bed that you loved and would like to experience more of?
What's your favorite sex scene from a movie or TV show, and what made it so hot?
What can I do to make our intimate moments more special and unforgettable for you?
Are there moments outside of our intimate time when you feel most connected or turned on by me?
Do you feel you have a responsive or spontaneous desire type?
2. Can you go through one by one and tell us why each question can be such a jumpstart?
1. What's a fantasy or desire you've never shared with me?
Discussing unexplored fantasies fosters a sense of adventure and vulnerability. It provides an avenue for couples to experiment and keep things fresh.
2. What's something I've done in bed that you loved and would like to experience more of?
By recognizing and validating what works, couples can recreate and enhance these experiences, ensuring mutual satisfaction.
3. What's your favorite sex scene from a movie or TV show, and what made it so hot?
Understanding the type of erotic content that your partner finds appealing can provide insights into their fantasies and desires, helping you explore new dimensions of excitement together. It's a fun and creative way to enhance your intimate life.
4. What can I do to make our intimate moments more special and unforgettable for you?
This question shifts the focus to understanding what you can personally do to create more thrilling and satisfying sexual experiences for your partner. It emphasizes the idea of mutual effort and consideration.
5. Are there moments outside of our intimate time when you feel most connected or turned on by me?
Understanding that intimacy is not confined to the bedroom can help couples nurture their relationship throughout the day.
6. Do you feel you have a responsive or spontaneous desire type?
Understanding your partner's desire type can help tailor your approach to intimacy, making it more enjoyable and satisfying for both of you.
Image from Instagram/ @themodernintimacy
3. So, if our partner answers honestly, we’d be getting a major dose of insight into what makes sex great for them. What do we do with this information? Do you think it sets specific expectations or just creates a general mood? Basically, what makes going through this exercise lead to thrilling outcomes?
The magic of these questions lies in their ability to cultivate a deeper connection between partners, which, in turn, leads to more thrilling and satisfying sexual encounters.
These questions encourage an atmosphere of effective communication. When you both become comfortable discussing your sexual desires and boundaries, it establishes a foundation for future talks about any sexual issues or concerns. This ongoing communication is vital for maintaining a healthy and satisfying sex life.
As expectations become clearer, you both have the tools to work toward mutual satisfaction. It's not about one person's pleasure at the expense of the other; it's about crafting a shared, fulfilling experience that brings you both closer and ignites passion.
These questions serve as a gateway. They encourage open and honest dialogue, setting the stage for exciting, passionate, and satisfying sexual encounters.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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