If You Hate Your Hair, Try This Very Scary Bold Change. It Truly Might Be The Answer.
It will take roughly 78 seconds to “do” your hair each morning.
by Audie Metcalf
I assume you hate your hair. Does any woman love her hair? Ok, so what is it that we actually hate?
I think it’s this: I hate DOING my hair. Yes?
We dutifully get our cuts and our colors and we love our just-stepped-out-of-the-salon hair, right? So we like our hair sometimes.
But that lasts for…………one day. One day!!! (Sure we douse our roots in dry shampoo and cling to our blowouts for a few more days, but really, nothing touches that first day.)
That’s all we get? One day of being happy with our hair? ONE DAY?!
We work our asses off and take care of kids and send 87 million emails and stock the fridge and remember that it’s “orange and black” day at school, and we get ONE day to love our hair?
I reject this.
HOWEVER. Most of us just aren’t willing to spend time doing our hair in the morning. We COULD, but we won’t.
And so now the problem to solve becomes this:
How do we have hair we love while not putting forth literally any time or effort? Is this a solvable problem?
I say yes. And I think there are 2 ways to solve it:
1. Get a blow out every 3 days. This is definitely possible! It will add roughly 10 hours per month of sitting in a chair, an extra $500 a month, the to and fro of going to a blow out bar, and scheduling your life around your hair.
2. Get bangs.
Yes. That’s it. That’s the trick. GET BANGS.
I know exactly what you’re feeling/saying. And it’s summed up in this thing we posted on our insta almost 4 years ago:
So, before I try and convince you to get bangs, let’s first just behold some of the most iconic bangs in history:
All beautiful. All effortless. But let’s be honest. These were the bangs we first truly lusted after:
Kelly had bangs too. But we didn’t care about Kelly’s bangs. We cared about Brenda’s bangs. Full and deliberate and bold. And I’m telling you, as a 46 year old woman who just cut bangs, the feeling we all imagined we could feel if we just had Brenda’s bangs, is possible today. It’s possible right now.
I am not a perfect celebrity with a perfect face. But goddamnit, these bangs work:
So, why am I going so hard on bangs? Couldn’t I have just gotten bangs and shut up about it? Yes, but then you wouldn’t know how LIFE CHANGING they are. And it’s because of these 2 reasons:
1. Contrary to popular belief, they take 38 seconds to style (more specifics on this in a moment) and they can look great after many days of not washing your hair.
2. They turn your most everyday, lazy, nothing hairstyles into HAIR OUTFITS.
Ok, so what do I mean by a hair outfit. It just so happens that I’ve gotten a few visuals for you. First up, we have the low, messy bun, slapped together at the nape of the neck, either with clips or pins. This “style” takes about 17 seconds and looks like this:
Now, you’re saying, but Audie, isn’t that just a rat’s nest? And I think we both know the answer is yes. But the bangs make it work. And without them, this low bun would make me look like a founding father. The bangs make it cute. And because this is day 2 of not washing my hair, I squirt a healthy amount of THIS dry shampoo at the roots, and then I spray THIS to sort of keep them in place. And that’s it.
Next, in the hall of fame of supreme hair laziness, we have the messy top knot. And it’s true, you can do a top knot without a bang just fine. But with a bang, it really ties the room together. Let’s look:
And finally, the humble pony. Secured with a SCRUNCHIE no less. Right in the back of the head. No fanfare.
The bangs make it onto a hair outfit, don’t they? Intentional yet effortless. You could also try your hand at a LOW pony, but I didn’t have the guts:
And now, your final question: BUT HOW DO I STYLE THEM?
It’s truly so simple. While wet, use THIS brush that lets lots of heat get through the bristles, brush your bangs to the left side, and shoot the blow dryer in that same direction, for, oh, 10 seconds. Then switch. Ideally with THIS diffuser attachment, which comes with THIS Dyson dupe I use. AND THAT’S IT.
Truly it’s that easy. They’ll be soft, slightly fluffed, and they’ll last all day if you use THIS dry shampoo and THIS spray. We all thought we needed round brushes or Velcro rollers or curling irons for not stick straight but also not curly bangs, when in fact this technique is the key.
And that’s it you guys. A 15,347 word opus on telling you to get bangs. But I really think they’ll make you happy. Let me know if you get them. And let me know if they do.
Audie Metcalf is the Editor-in-chief of The Candidly, and lives in LA with her family. You can find more of her articles here.
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