5 Style Rules You Absolutely Should Not Follow Just Because You’re 40
by The Candidly Team
When it comes to getting dressed, we actually love a good rule. Buuuut, it has to be good.
And easy.
And like…a tangible solution to the fun-in-theory but frustrating-in-real-life task that is putting clothes on our bodies.
But some rules are just plain dumb. And wrong. And oddly ageist. Or sort of inherently unaccepting of all the various shapes our bodies come in.
Nevertheless, we’re realists, and we’re not here to tell you to throw caution to the wind and “wear whatever” because life is short, etc., etc. We assume that you, like us, like your clothes to look really good on you.
So when we say that these 5 style rules are ones you should ignore, we hope you trust that it’s precisely because following them limits our opportunities to look good. And feel good. And to enjoy wearing an array of things that remain fun and flattering and chic long after we turn 40.
We won’t drag this on any longer. Here are the 5 garbage rules, and some very special pieces that prove they’re well worth breaking.
Rule #1: Don't wear horizontal stripes.
Is this still even a thing? This whole rule sounds like something a lazy 1950s fashion editor made up on a Friday at 4:59PM, but then it kept being picked up and repeated for decades until we read it in one of our mom’s magazines whilst giving ourselves a paper-cut from rubbing the previous page’s sticky perfume sample all over our wrists. The point is that this rule, much like this anecdote, is quite dated and has gone on for way too long.
Horizontal stripes are just fine. More than fine when they replace a solid top and make our jeans-and-tee looks more interesting and more French. Or when they peek out from under a chambray button-down or a crisp jean jacket. They’re classic and chic and all the things we like about the “coastal grandma” craze. And just look at how flattering they can be.
The Skimming Striped Midi Dress
The trick of wearing a fitted midi is choosing one that’s ribbed and smoothing on curves. This dress under a spacious denim jacket and little white sneaks is foolproof and wildly flattering. And if you want to completely eliminate any concern about bulges, choose one of THESE seamless underthings.
Price: $89
The Strappy Sailor Tank
This is the single most flattering tank. The scooped neckline and slim ribbing are perfection. And the stripes make it more of a “look.” In fact, we like to wear it as part of THIS look.
Price: $68
The Classic French Tee
J. Crew Cropped Boatneck T-Shirt
This perfect boatneck tee is one of 9 items every French lady keeps in her closet to look casually chic. However, it also happens to be an essential piece of THIS iconic look that people are dying for. The reason this classic piece is getting so much love? It looks good on everyone…of every size…at every age…for all of time.
Price: $42 - $59.50
Rule #2: Stop showing any skin on your arms.
Did we cheat by showing you 4 striking women in possession of 8 pretty great arms? Absolutely not. No one thinks they have great arms. But the idea that any of us should cover them up just because we decide that ours are too “thick,” too “bumpy,” too “crepey,” or too “old” is absurd for 3 reasons:
1. The existence of warm weather.
2. Seems weird to eternally confine the only part of our body that is constantly in motion (i.e. hailing cabs, whisking over-complicated sauces, lifting bags and kids and ridiculously large Target boxes containing a single set of dish towels.)
3. We don’t need sleeves to make them “look better.” Allow us to explain in visuals.
The Strapless Top You Shouldn't Be Afraid Of
TheMogan Women's Strapless Smocked Crop Tube Top
Stay with us, because we stand fairly firm in our belief that a tube top (especially a smocked one like this) can look even better on our chest, arms, and shoulders than any other form of short sleeve. Yes, even when we have wide shoulders or gnobbly elbows or shapely upper arms.
Price: $14
The Most Striking Dress On Curves
BHLDN Hayden Strapless Stretch Crepe Midi Dress
The strapless neckline is so flattering on arms and shoulders and the slightly ruched bodice makes it the ultimate curve-complementing dress. It comes in 4 colors and plus, so naturally, we turn to it for every black tie/ cocktail/ wedding thing in our lives.
Price: $198
The Classic Ribbed Tank
Once again, we have arrived at the ribbed tank top. There’s a reason. A well-cut, scoop-neck tank with thin straps has a sort of narrowing effect. Not that we need to be narrowed. It just creates a deeply lovely central focal point that complements every width of back and size of chest.
Price: $39
The Comfiest Spaghetti Strap Dress You'll Ever Slip On
Skims Soft Lounge Long Slip Dress
The absolute softest feel paired with the most elongating silhouette. We wrote an ode to this dress after trying it on. It looks gorgeous on curves, but thanks to the spacious neckline and itty-bitty spaghetti strap, it also makes our arms look amazing.
Price: $78
The Most Amazing Tee For Arms
Everlane The Pima Micro-Rib Scoop-Neck Tee
For those of us who just never loved going sleeveless, this is unquestionably the most flattering tee for arms. The 3/4 length is ideal for both comfort and fit, and the ribbing makes the whole thing feel like a soft, smoothing, breathable glove.
Price: $40
Rule #3: wear long and loose shirts to conceal your midriff
We get that crop tops come with a certain fear factor (although one of our writers did make a pretty persuasive case for why we shouldn’t give up on them altogether). But the whole idea that a looooong, shapeless sack of a shirt will be more flattering to our midsection than a more tailored, less lanky tee defies reason.
Instead of tenting ourselves from top to bottom, we prefer pairing a high-waist pant with a top that meets it right at the most nipped part of our waist. It makes a world of difference. And it doesn’t leave us with that sleepy, frumpy feeling like we’re wearing our grandma’s nightshirt to bed. Who are we kidding? We love a big, ol’ night shirt. Just not all the time.
The Most Flattering Not-Quite-Crop Top
There’s something particularly special about the stretchy, smoothing material of this top. So much so that we sung its praises (and modeled it ourselves) HERE. The ruching is wildly flattering, but the arm holes are spacious enough that you don’t feel at all restricted. There’s the slightest bit of thickness to the fabric, so it feels a little more supportive than other similarly stretchy tops. Pair it with a wide-leg pant or a silky skirt, and you’re set for pretty much any occasion.
Price: $68
the Light and Layerable Not-Too-Long Overshirt
We’re very vocal fans of an oversized button-down, but the fact that this one has that subtle boxiness and hits at the ideal spot on our waistline has semblance of genius. We wear it as a life-saving, lightweight outer layer over tighter skirts and dresses as well.
Price: $85
The Comfy Oversized Tee That Isn’t A Frumpy Bore
Free People We The Free CC Tee
I know. We’re laying claim that you should ditch a loose-fit, then we show you something like this. But just look at how the shorter length and longer sleeve create perfect complementary proportions. This shirt looks soooo good with jeans and leggings, and it feels so much like a light, airy poncho, we hardly care that a sliver of skin occasionally peeks through. In fact, we sort of like it.
Price: $38
Rule #4: bid farewell to fitted bottoms.
As much as we’d love to think of ourselves as post-insecurities, the second we label any part of our body '“too [insert adjective],” we tend to make it our goal to hide it away. The truth is it’s really hard to create proportions we’re happy with or that do justice to our own natural shape when we’re throwing layers of fabric over anything we deem “problematic."
It’s a fairly backwards idea that adding bulk would create any sort of balance. Instead, we should shift our focus to what fits us well. It sounds stupidly simplistic, but honestly, we spend way too much of our time sourcing things that beautifully hug our ample curves, and when we find them, we’re thrilled, because it means we can actually enjoy the clothes we wear. Here are 4 such pieces.
The Stretchy Column Skirt
Z Supply Aveen Crinkle Stretch Knit Midi Skirt
A smoothing column skirt that balances hold with a ton of stretch is perfect for curves and a staple we can wear year-round. This one from Z Supply is excellent because it’s a bit textured so it hides any bumps and it still has those clean, tailored lines that make for a perfect silhouette. Don’t be scared off by the fact that it only comes in two sizes. The stretch is so extensive, we think it could fit up to 2X.
Price: $89
The Blissfully Stretchy Skinny Jeans
Good American Good Legs Skinny Jeans
Good American’s skinny jeans have cracked the code for how to balance hold with stretch. We feel supported, and yet, we can still breath and eat and do all those human things that normally make us want to desperately reach for anything with an elastic waist and spacious bottom. But these jeans keep us nice and comfy for the long haul, while we look our actual best.
Price: $119
The Magic Pencil Skirt That Works Like Shapewear
Beyond Yoga Spacedye On The Town Skirt
Finally! A pencil skirt that smooths like literal shapewear and feels like leggings. It’s perfect with our softest sweaters. Wear it to work, dress it up with tights and boots, or lounge around in it with slippers at the end of the day, because it feels as lovely as it looks.
Price: $88
The Leggings That Smooth To No End
Beyond Yoga Spacedye Out Of Pocket High Waisted Midi Legging
The unrivaled best. These leggings manage to magically melt away every uneven surface we throw its way, while feeling like the softest, butteriest bit of nothing we’ve ever worn.
Price: $99
The Dreamiest, Drapiest Wide Leg Pants
Before you say anything, we’re aware that these pants are hardly the curve-hugging rule-breaker we promised to showcase. But we all love a wide-leg pant, and these ones drape with such tailored precision, nip at the waist, and feel like loungewear. We write dedicated articles about them, wear them everywhere, and will not stop recommending them, because frankly, they’re the best pants you’ll own. And they come in plus.
Price: $148
rule #5: don’t dress too “sexy.”
Don’t worry. We’re not about to tell you “how” to dress sexy. We fully recognize that you’re an adult and have your own ideas about what sexy even means where clothes are concerned. What we will say is that for us, it’s always been about 2 things:
Finding your best asset and highlighting the hell out of it.
Creating balance. In other words, if you’re going for the low-cut, cleavage thing, you don’t want the rest of your outfit to be skintight. If you’re choosing a short, fitted skirt, maybe pick something looser up top.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to select the “outside” things that make you feel like the most oomphy version of yourself. Oomphy is a sexy word, right? But much of the time we find it’s what’s underneath that helps things along in that area.
The Lovely Lacy Underthing
Cosabella Never Say Never Curvy Shortie Cropped Cami
A well-fitting cami can be a perfect base layer that we can either hide away entirely or allow to peek through in highly curated ways. This one thankfully comes in curvy, super curvy, and ultra curvy. Wear it with confidence under a plungey top or a less buttoned-up button-down. We like this one from Cosabella, because it’s a godsend for every size chest.
Price: $110
The One-And-Done Piece Of Supportive Shapewear
Shapellx PowerConceal™ Full Body Tummy Control Shapewear
Not sure about you, but we lack the patience to squeeze into 7 different sets of shapewear before putting on a damn dress. But we do like to feel supported, which is why when we discovered this smooth, one-and-done piece, we breathed a huge sigh of relief (something that’s not always possible when we’re suctioned into other shapewear we’ve tried). Needless to say, it’s a win.
Price: $65
At The Candidly, we try a lot of stuff so you don’t have to. We only recommend things we truly love, and that we think you’ll love, too. All products are chosen independently by our creative team, and all details reflect the price and availability of products at the time of publication. If you buy something we link to, The Candidly may earn a commission.
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