I Am Deeply Sorry To Tell You That You Need These Black Pants Immediately
You’re going to be mad about the price but please just stay with me.
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by Audie Metcalf
We all have black pants. Probably too many black pants. And we mindlessly put them on, day after day, and they’re fine. They’re all just fine.
I also had black pants that were fine.
But recently, I’ve made a decision to only keep and buy and wear clothes that I love deeply and enthusiastically and if I don’t love them deeply and enthusiastically, I get rid of them. I’m turning 50 this year, and the idea of wearing a single piece of clothing I don’t ADORE and that doesn’t make me feel GORGEOUS while wearing, is simply not part of my life’s plan.
This new ethos has been so freeing and fun, and it means whenever I check myself out in the reflection of storefront windows I am thrilled at what I see. Part of it is a necessary change because I had to buy a lot of new clothes after losing 60 lbs but in doing so, I weirdly found this new ethos the most difficult to uphold when shopping. Why do we buy things we love in the store but then never wear? So I’ve implemented a tactic where even if I love something, I don’t buy it. I wait until the next day to see if it haunts me. If I’m not haunted, I clearly don’t love it.
Friends, comrades, strangers of the internet—I have never been more haunted by something in my life than these pants.
At first glance, they may just look like ... another pair of black pants to you, but just put a pin in that for a minute.
These are, simply put, the best fitting pants I’ve ever worn in my life. I have a relatively big hip-to-waist ratio so everything gaps in the waist on me but these gloriously do not.
They are high waisted, perfectly wide leg, and the waistband is flat so it skims and flatters like nothing else.
And it’s not so bad on the rump, neither.
But I haven’t even mentioned the best part yet:
The material.
It’s linen but it’s S T R E T C H. They truly feel almost like workout pants but they look chicer than chic—and while they get a little bit wrinkled, the wrinkles almost make it … better. It’s more like soft crinkles than wrinkles.
I loved these pants and material so much that I am feeling compelled to tell you that I bought another pair in the cropped version, and of course, I had to show you those as well.
They look so good with just a t-shirt and sandals like this but then because they’re so comfortable I’ve been sort of jhuzjing them up for date night. Should I dress sexier for date night? Ugh, you’re right.
Also this is sort of a tangent, but here’s a reminder that I am adamantly opposed to wearing white shirts with black pants because it’s mindless and boring and makes us all look like waiters:
See? Boring. Oh also, while we’re here, I asked Chat to make a photo of someone who could be my sister and look what it came up with. Isn’t this frightening? Are you old enough to be freaked out by this? Please tell me yes.
And then lastly, and this is me being very vulnerable, I saw there was a suiting of this material* and yes, it’s quite pricey, but I needed an outfit for my step-daughter’s graduation, and I thought to myself, I have given every ounce of my lifeblood to making her life better and trying to balance the endless, murky waters of multi-house parenting (while never really having any decision-making power!) and well, I thought, fuck it. I’m treating myself to this expensive suit in a color that I LOVE DEEPLY AND ENTHUSIASTICALLY.
I feel strongly that you will love some version of these pants and that the material will also make you very happy. Just think on it. See if it haunts you tomorrow.
Price: $244
Audie Metcalf is the Editor-in-chief of The Candidly, and lives in LA with her family. You can find more of her articles here.
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