T-Shirts Are The Devil's Work
by Audie Metcalf
T-shirts are, how do you say? Ah yes. The work of Lucifer himself.
We’re all told that a “plain white t” is one of those “essential basics” that we all must have in our closets in order to have full, enriching lives.
But who decided that a short sleeve that cuts ones arm at the WORST POSSIBLE PLACE, should be such a staple?
Every too-expensive band merch t-shirt we bought as a teen, every junior high gym uniform, every casual summer outfit did their damndest to create a rich, hearty stew of arm-shame for us fleshier gals, didn’t they?
And on the one hand I want to say to you, and to myself, wear whatever the hell you want! Stop allowing your overall value as a human being on this earth to be linked in any way to the circumference of your elbow pit! Remind yourself of the Rubenesque beauties of Flemish Baroque paintings! But alas. None of us are as finished and complete as those zaftig women in those pieces of art. We are mere works in progress, today, and likely forever. And so, until we all come to terms with our arm flab and learn not to actively wince when we type “arm flab,” we certainly don’t need to be emotionally assaulted by our t-shirts, right?
So here’s what I’ve learned.
T-shirts are like the shorts of the arms. That’s why they’re so hard for us! It’s not us! It’s them! And so its success is alllllll about exactly where it hits the arm; 1 inch too high and we feel like we’re back in gym class, 2 inches too long and suddenly we’re our own great-grandmother.
A woman’s work is never done.
But mastering the art of the t-shirt length so that we don’t slip into some kind of dysmorphia spiral?
Let’s do that work today. And be done with it.
Let’s go:
1. The Most Gorgeous Tee For Arms. Period.
Everlane The Pima Micro-Rib Scoop-Neck Tee
Simply put, there is no more flattering arm length on this earth. The price is excellent, the colors are better. If you treat yourself to only one t-shirt on this list, make it this.
Price: $40
2. The Classic Lightweight Tee
You’ll notice a theme already—lots of openness in the neckline. Flat. Ter. Ing. And this one is so gloriously tissue-thin, so you’ll never feel that classic thick, suffocating feeling.
Price: $28-$40
3. The Drapey Drop Shoulder tee
Free People We The Free CC Tee
We’ve written about the magic of this t-shirt before, and like NO ONE buys it. Yes. We check. But truly. Do yourself a favor and buy this t-shirt. Like most models, the one in the photo is likely 6 feet tall and so that exposed midriff is mostly because of her height. But on more average height gals, the slightly cropped cut is just monumentally flattering with jeans or leggings or anything high waisted. And, blessedly, no tucking in required.
Price: $38
4. The Breezy Button-Down
Everlane The Drapey Square Shirt
Can we really call this a t-shirt? Probably not. But it’s a perfect choice for when you want the loosely goosey comfort of a t with just a whiff of elevation.
Price: $78
5. The Chic Cotton Marinière
J. Crew Classic-fit Boatneck Top In Stripe
Yes. This is a t-shirt. It’s just longer sleeved. The wide boatneck will make you feel instantly Parisian, and contrary to popular belief (aka LIES) horizontal stripes do not make you look wide. Only chic.
Price: $50
6. The Pretty Puff Sleeve Tee
Veronica Beard Coralee Puff-Sleeve Top
We’re back on our elbow-length shit. This time, with puffs! God, its amazing what some simple puffs can do for an otherwise boring outfit. Throw this on with jeans and flats and poof, you’re the most stylish person in the room. In any room.
Price: $198
7. The Perfect Ribbed Tank
Ok, ok fine, it’s a tank top, and a tank top is not a t-shirt. We just wanted to say that tank tops get such a bad rap but in fact, they are actually MORE FLATTERING than almost any t-shirt because you’re not bifurcating your arm in some stupid place. But it is key -absolutely KEY - that you find a tank top like this one which has very thin straps. Otherwise you will feel bulky, and you will hate us and hate everything. The end.
Oh, did you know they call tank tops VESTS in England? It makes them seem cuter, don’t you think?
Price: $35
Audie Metcalf is the Editor-in-chief of The Candidly, and lives in LA with her family. You can find more of her articles here.
At The Candidly, we try a lot of stuff so you don’t have to. We only recommend things we truly love, and that we think you’ll love, too. All products are chosen independently by our creative team, and all details reflect the price and availability of products at the time of publication. If you buy something we link to, The Candidly may earn a commission.
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