7 Things To Purge From Your Closet Because They’re All Making You Look Sad And Frumpy
… and the 7 perfect, perfect pieces to replace them with.
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by The Candidly Team
There are some very unfortunate things hanging in our closets at this very moment. Some we bought with high hopes. Some we knew we were settling for even as our cards were processing.
All of them make us look older. Sadder. Frumpier.
They’re the kind of pieces that leave us staring dead-eyed into our closets and hating all of our clothes.
It’s not our faults. Most of us aren’t buying our clothes with the help of a stylist or a tailor or even a dressing room because 92% of the time we’re choosing based on a tiny photo on a screen where a pin-thin model looks pretty good in those jeans we’re considering.
Our Editor-in-Chief figured out how to stop buying clothes she hates, which she wrote about HERE. But it starts by pinpointing what is bad about the bad clothes we own. Only then can we could avoid making the same, unflattering mistakes over and over again. And in the meantime, it’s time to GET RID of the clothes we hate
There were 7 things we needed to purge from our closets immediately. Perhaps, they’re lingering in yours as well?
And because we wanted to get closer to our goal of loving every single item in our closet, we also found the perfect swap for these 7 pieces that make us dress better on a daily basis.
Ok, you get the point. Let’s start the purge.
The Bad: Waterfall Jackets (and Sweaters)
Even when these jackets were on-trend in the early 2000s, they sort of felt like something our aunt would have put on to play the slot machines in Vegas. The fronts never lay right, and from the side, we look wider with all that cascading fabric. Our jackets should make us look clean lined and smartly layered. These do the opposite.
Wear Instead: Denim Jackets
Always classic. Always cool. Denim jackets make us look more casual, and frankly, more youthful. We recommend one with a sliiiiiight crop so it hits at the top of your hips and makes your waist look smaller.
CAROLYN’S FAVORITE: Marine Layer Ash Cropped Denim Jacket*
“This is such a well-proportioned, little jean jacket that I reach for pretty much anytime I’m not wearing matching jeans on the bottom. It makes every outfit a little more flattering and youthful.”
AUDIE’S FAVORITE: Frame The Off Duty Denim Trucker Jacket*
“The CUT of this jacket is so, so, so supremely flattering, because it hits smack dab at the small of the waist, making anyone/everyone a gorgeous hourglass shape.”
THE BEST OVERSIZED: Quince 100% Organic Cotton Oversized Denim Jacket*
Listen, if you wore those waterfalls to cover up, you can still do a more oversized denim jacket. It’s just chicer this way and doesn't make you look frumpy and dumpy.
The Bad: Ill-Fitting Jeans With Poor Pocket Placement
Some jeans make our lower bodies look like we stuffed a bunch of teddy bears in a trash bag while others make us look the closest we ever will to runway models. It’s not about us; it’s about the fit. We need jeans to glide over our curves without digging into flesh or leaving a big, ugly waist gap. There should be enough stretch to breath but no sagging, especially in the back.
You also want to look at back pockets and make sure the placement makes your butt look fab. Just cuz you don't see it all day long doesn't mean it shouldn't look young and chic, too. Your butt deserves that.
Let us show you what we mean. Look at the pocket placement of these very sad jeans:
Good pockets should cover a lot of the curve of your bottom instead of cutting into them, never sitting too high or too low, both which make butts look saggier. They also shouldn’t be too close together or too widely apart because this makes butts look wider and flatter.
Wear Instead: Smartly cut jeans with the GOOD pockets
When you find a pair of jeans that’s smoothing and stretchy in all the coreect places, make sure the pockets are very kapow, meaning big, centered, and well-proportioned to your butt.
Here are a couple of our favorite pairs for reference:
THE BEST WIDE LEG: Paige Anessa 31" Wide Leg Jean*
We wrote a whole article about Paige jeans and how flattering they are, especially to our middle-aged backsides. This pair has become our go-to wide-leg. Check out those perfect peach-creating pockets:
THE BEST BOOTCUT: Good American Soft Tech Good Classic Bootcut Jeans*
Our Editor-in-Chief has called these her “best butt jeans.” A bootcut is always great for balancing curves, but this pair is stretchy with lots of lift and support. The pocket placement should be studied. Take a look:
The Bad: Weird-length Pants that chop your legs In Unflattering Ways like capris
A tight capri cuts off the leg at a hideous spot, making our bodies look like upside-down triangles. We start to look very top heavy, which is especially sucky after we turn 40 and tend to gain more weight in our bellies anyway. We need pants that balance our curves and look good with all of our shoes. We can do soooooo much better than capris.
Wear Instead: Sleek Wide-Leg Pants
A long, tailored pant will reliably make our legs look inches longer. The trick is finding a pair that washboards over the lower belly and flatters your hips/butt/thighs. That may mean investing in one perfectly engineered pair rather than buying 5 cheap, shitty pairs. The goal is to love our clothes, not just to tolerate them.
THE BEST FULL-LENGTH: Theory High-Waist Wide-Leg Pant in Good Linen*
These are the most flattering pants we’ve tried on in years, just the right amount of wide-leg, and the waistband is flat so it skims and smooths all our curves.
THE BEST CROPPED: Theory Classic Straight Pull-On Pant in Good Linen*
Of course, a lot of us turn to capris because it’s hot or we want a pant that hits above the ankle. Good news. The same pants we just raved about above have a cropped version. Because they’re wide-leg, they give us great proportions and look much better with 98% of our shoes than a capri.
The Bad: frumpy button-downs
We often talk about how owning a good, crisp, white button-down makes you infallible in terms of creating a styled, sophisticated outfit out of any other dumb thing in your closet. Tuck or half tuck it into belted jeans. Wear it open over a tank for summer layering. Tie it above a long, silky slip skirt for an evening out. It’s always going to look luxe and chic. But get a good one, because a bad one can be impossible to tuck and frankly, look like a cheap, Halloween store version of a doctor’s lab coat.
Wear Instead: Cropped Button-Downs
We’ve written whole articles about our favorite white button-downs, but for most of us on most days who want to look put together without an inkling of effort, we just get one flawless, cropped version that can be worn untucked.
THE BEST: J.Crew Étienne Cropped Button-Up Shirt In Cotton Poplin*
And this is that flawless version. It’s from J.Crew - still a master of button-downs.
The Bad: Puff-Sleeve Tops
Ok fine, some voluminous sleeves are chic, but the ones with those big, old bubble sleeves make us look like broad-shouldered men of the Renaissance. We do appreciate a top that covers the thickest part of the arm, but what’s the point if it only makes us look bigger and boxier?
Wear Instead: 3/4 Sleeves
THE BEST: Everlane The Luxe Rib Scoop-Neck Tee*
This is the t-shirt we often crown the best white tee because just look at the sleeve length. It covers the thickest part of our upper arms, and the neckline makes our shoulders look narrower. It also has this fine ribbing that sort of magically holds you in all over.
The Bad: Skirts That Show Every Lump And Bump
Look, there’s nothing wrong with lower body “bumps.” We all have them at every weight and height and body type. But certain skirts are super suctioned in the waistband, so even if they fit, they give us a deeply annoying spare tire. And then they just sort of cling and make us look bulgier all over. We have some very pretty skirts we never wear because of this predicament, and we’re finally saying farewell.
Wear Instead: A-Line Midi Skirts
Graceful skirts that skim and have movement are the most flattering. Choose a soft A-line so it isn’t too puffy round the lower tum.
THE BEST: Free People Lowen Midi Skirt*
We’ve written A LOT about this skirt. It has gorgeous shape and proportions and looks good with every fitted top in our closet.
The color selection is surreal, too:
Price: $60
The Bad: Pants With Puffy Pockets
Why are so many pants like this? Those dumb, excessive pockets that give us wider, misshapen hips. So many linen and lightweight pants we want to wear in the spring and summer have this problem of not being smooth and flattering. Plus they look like rags after roughly 3 washes.
Wear Instead: Pants With Smooth Pockets
There’s honestly one particular pair of pants we’re thinking about here. Maybe you already know it. You probably do if you’ve spent more than four minutes on our site, because we never shut up about them.
THE BEST: Colette Magic Fabric Crop Wide-Leg Pants by Maeve*
These are Anthropologie’s best-selling pant. Every year, they come out with more colors, patterns*, denim versions*, linen styles*, etc, but the original “magic fabric,” cropped pant is a must-own item. They’re equally good for work as they are for weekends, and the material holds you in in the best, most breathable way. We’re sharing photos of us in softer, brighter colors we often avoid because we feel self-conscious. But in these pants, there’s not a bump to be seen.
Of course, we also own them in black*.
At The Candidly, we try a lot of stuff so you don’t have to. We only recommend things we truly love, and that we think you’ll love, too. All products are chosen independently by our creative team, and all details reflect the price and availability of products at the time of publication. If you buy something we link to, The Candidly may earn a commission.
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